this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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