I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
