Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
