oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
