I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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