After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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