About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
