So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
