Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
