So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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