Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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