drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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