Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
