the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
