Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
