I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
