That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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