if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
