i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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