The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
