Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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