If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
