Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
