well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
