my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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