just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
