im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
