Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
