i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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