i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
