so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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