I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My feet surprised me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
