It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
