flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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