He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
