and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
