Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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