so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
