Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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