dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
