so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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