her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
