I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
