This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
