i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
