Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
