I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
