Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
