i was born a porn star she said
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
