theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
